What a few weeks! My resolve is beginning to weaken as far as all this working is concerned. It probably sounds ridiculous to all those people who work full-time and manage parenting at the same time, but substitute teaching on Fridays, 10 hours of work for CSS a week, and trying to manage homemaking, parenting, and adoption-preparing is overwhelming me a bit. Thus, the heading on this blog. I haven't been online much all week (and two weeks, really), so I've been longing for this Saturday morning to catch up on some of my new friends' blogs, our adoption yahoo group, and the various e-mails I've received. It's been nice, as long as I push back the guilt caused by not parenting well! Karl went hunting and said it was a "Hunter's Dream" (except that he couldn't get a shot on the 8 point buck that hung out below his tree stand). It reminded me that he really needs those times out in nature to reflect and enjoy the solitude.
As for me, I've been struggling with fear as I follow the progress (or lack thereof) of our friends at the door of their Ethiopian adoptions (5 couples, I think, but I can't remember for sure) as their court dates were surprisingly moved to one week later. Here they are so close, longing for their little ones, and unable to have them because of paperwork. I find myself thinking about the explosion of Ethiopian adoptions and what if... What if the government decides that they don't want all these orphans leaving their country? What if America World can't handle the influx of requests for Ethiopian children and their projections are way off (and we have to wait two years or more)? What if adoption wasn't God's will, just mine? I know these questions are futile, but they are present nonetheless. Definitely sounds like I need some God time today, doesn't it? I am praying that God makes himself real to us and confirms in big ways (whatever that means) that we are indeed on the right path and that courage is the goal, not fear (although I already know that last one. It's in his Word over and over again, after all!)
On a much lighter note, we are sending our I-600A packet out to Homeland Security Monday. This means we will probably be waiting 3 months to get the approval from our governement to move forward. In the meantime, we will get the few remaining pieces of paperwork notarized and ready to go for our dossier so that when this particular government approval comes in, we'll be ready to send our dossier away (after we get it authenticated...or certified...I can't remember which comes first!) to America World, the U.S. Embassy, and then Ethiopia. If all goes well, all this will take place in the next 3 months. Since our homestudy is done, we will also be applying for a couple of grants in the next couple of weeks (I hope!) We also are in the last stages of designing our t-shirt and have started the book/Christian product (see below) fundraiser my brother and sis-in-law came up with. I am so grateful--to be alive, to have beautiful children already, for my husband, etc. I just get bogged down sometimes and need to remember that He who is in charge of the whole universe, can definitely handle what's going on in the lives of the Black family! Love to you all!