Looking up

I didn't realize how many people read my blog! I thought facebook was where everyone was, and it was friends in the adoption community far away, for the most part, that kept up here. It has been a blessing to realize that many others are looking in on us as well. Based on people's responses, though, I wanted to quickly write another entry about how I'm feeling/things are going now.

Last Tuesday and Wednesday (when I wrote my last entry) were very dark days. We were waiting for some news and I think the stress and anxiety of the waiting just added to the weight on my heart and made things almost unbearable. Well, we got the news Wednesday night (Karl's birthday) and God has been healing day by day since then. I purposely am being cryptic because that's what I am very confident God requires of me/us. I don't really understand it, and I definitely don't like it (it sure doesn't gratify my flesh!) but I don't have to (understand it or like it). I am required to be obedient, no matter how difficult it is. It's funny, actually. Over the last six months, God has been working A LOT on my tongue and how so many times (I think, at some level, especially because of my personality!) I say something when I should just be silent. This can be about big things like talking about someone or making a snide comment to my husband that blows up in my face. I have been pondering a lot James 1:19: "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." There's a lot packed in there! Well, little did I know that this 6 months of training was preparing me for the ultimate challenge of keeping my mouth shut amidst persecution and lies. Whew! Talk about going against everything your soul desires when you remain silent in those circumstances!!!!

So, here I am. Coming out of perhaps the hardest month of my life. Bruised, but not broken. Having learned some hard lessons that only can be learned in the fire. And you know what? God's faithfulness has been AMAZING. As Karl said, "God has been tripping over Himself to let us know He's there." Wow. Yesterday was a perfect example. At lunch, someone unexpectedly stopped by with some groceries and a check. Then, as Karl and I worked right before bed around 10:20 at night (Karl should have already been asleep since he has to leave the house at 5:15 these days for his new factory job, but he also works at home for my dad in the evenings!), a couple stopped by and told us that God told him to bring us his birthday money! It was incredibly humbling, because we knew how special this was to him, and yet he was obedient. And, it was humbling because God thought of us and asked someone else to sacrifice to provide for us (once again!) and make us aware of both His love and the love of others. He is amazing!!!

There are so many things I could share specifically of God's faithfulness this month. He has definitely done "immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine" (Eph. 3:20). It is amazing. We are in awe of God, our provider, comforter, healer. We are looking to the future, not looking back, with hope and promise and excited expectation. Thank you SO much for all your prayers. It is amazing how far I have come in the past week, and I know that so much of that has been because of so many praying for us and loving us. I know there very well might be rough days ahead, but I am more confident than ever that we are to "cast all [our] cares on the Lord for he cares for [us]." Praise His amazing name!!!

I think God speaks to us in lots of ways, but often, God speaks to me through music. This has been a major source of comfort to me lately. Some of my favorites are "How He Loves Us" (David Crowder Band--but not written by them), the classic hymn "Great is Thy Faithfulness," and one my friend suggested I listen to/buy by Christy Nockels "A Mighty Fortress." However, my absolute favorite is a song from Hillsong United from a CD that was given to us our last Sunday at Crossroads. I wanted to share the words with you because they so poignantly speak my heart (and I'm learning to play it on the guitar!!!)

The Desert Song

This is my prayer in the desert

When all thats within me feels dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and need

My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flame

And I will bring praise, I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice, I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on its way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

And I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life, In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship....

AMEN!!!