A Tribute to my husband

I was doing dishes praying for Karl (something I don't do nearly enough--pray or dishes) and I thought I should do a tribute to how I feel about him. WARNING: For those of you skeptics, this is probably going to be way too sappy, romantic, idealistic; however, it will hopefully also be true and breathe life into those who believe true, lasting love is highly improbable.

Karl Jay Black has many dimensions. Some see him as a highly gifted youth pastor. He has been, after all, for 10+ years. Even though he left his own youth--as far as the numbers go-- many years ago, he has always been able to connect with them. Even on bad days, he touches teens with his ability to listen. Not many of us do that anymore. I'm too busy trying to come up with something funny or meaningful to say. But not Karl. He is a good listener. This may be surprising because of his fairly severe ADHD, but it is true. Oftentimes after meeting with different youths, I've asked him what he said to them. While there are bits of wisdom that is shared, mostly he just listens deeply--with his ears, eyes, heart, and his spirit. Sometimes this has been hard for me to accept. I mean, what the teens were saying was wrong, darn it! He should tell them that! He should stear them along the right path! He should change their false perceptions! Yet, Karl knows that even if their thinking is wrong, speaking about it to someone who isn't receptive, is a waste of breath and time....so often, he simply listens.

Karl knows how to have fun. Whether it's with teens, his buddies, family, our kids, or someone he's just met, he's definitely not boring. Oh, the stories I could tell! Some that come to mind involve bungee jumping, wrestling on the floor with the boys, any sport imaginable, late night Playstation sessions, games at the Duell's, great fort-building, hot tubbing at Stahly's, wave surfing, camping, rock climbing, and climbing to the top of Oxbow's tower buck naked. There is always an abundance of laughter when Karl's ready for a good time.

Loyal doesn't begin to describe how Karl stands by people. The only time he got suspended in high school was when his best friend, Bryan Jones, was getting strangled on the basketball court and the refs didn't notice. Karl cleared that bench so fast...and a brawl shortly followed. Similarly, Karl may go years without talking with old friends, but he'd be there in a second if someone needed him. As a wife, I have also felt the weight of his loyalty. There are times (Shock!) when I have desperately failed in my "wifely" role. And yet these have been some of the times when I have felt the most grace, love, and compassion from my husband.

"God loves a cheerful giver." If there was no other verse to assure God's love, Karl wouldn't need to worry. He is always giving to others, and if he's not, he's frustrated. I remember when we were dating, I was blown away with the gifts Karl would give me. It was obvious that he knew how to bring joy through giving. He once told me an approximation of how much he spent on Christmas gifts for his surrogate family and I about fell over! Karl's giving, however, does not just extend to those he knows. Supporting missions agencies, the police, fire department, you name it. I used to get mad when we were first married because if any kid showed up at our door, I knew Karl would buy something from them. Later on in marriage, Karl would send all the youth group kids selling stuff to me so I could be the bad guy and tell them no! Now, Karl's giving heart does not just involve monetary gifts. He is also constantly giving of his time and his talents as well. This can be a challenge, in my opinion, when you're good at so many things! However, while he gives to others, he also gives to his family. I know it must get exhausting at times, trying to balance between all of us who need him, but he manages incredibly well.

Lastly, my husband is a man of integrity. For several years in college, he didn't call himself a Christian because he knew that the way he was living didn't match up with that name. The other day he made Braden put a little animal figurine in our neighbor's garage because he found it on the street by their driveway. He called the insurance company to confirm it was okay to sign some paperwork because he thought what he was agreeing to might not be true. He won't say something unless he lives it, and he won't live it unless it's right.

This may be one of easiest things I've ever written. I honestly could go on for many more paragraphs praising my husband, but then I might even make myself throw up. It's good to remember, though. When life gets crazy, relationships get strained, or a new beginning is fast approaching, it's so important to reflect on all that you love and respect about a person. These are a few of the things I love and respect about Karl. And whenever I see a teen's eyes light up or our boys run into their Daddy's arms when he they see him, I fall in love all over again and find myself in awe that I was blessed enough to marry this incredible man.

The loves of my life

Children are amazing things. They are all unique and yet, so often, have incredible similarities. And they are all beautiful. I thought I would show you a picture of me with our three beautiful boys. Braden is almost 5, Nikolas "Kole" is 3, and Owen is 10 mos. This picture was taken at Kole's family birthday celebration. I loved that weekend. Being the child of a social worker and a reader myself, I have often heard about the battles a middle child must endure. I know that Kole will struggle to find his place in between an older, intelligent brother and an adorable baby. But the weekend of his third birthday, Kole was king. He got to go to the Chick-File with the playground. Then, he got to go to Build-a-Bear with the friend of his choice (Ryan-who-doesn't-talk-very-much), brother, Grandma Pat, and the Phillips' family (Matt, Heidi, Sophie, and Anna). He chose to make a SpiderMan dog, and even though big brother wanted the same thing, he was the one that got first pick since it was his special day. Finally, Grandma Beth and Grandad Ed came over for cake and presents. The following day, we had a "family" party with Uncle Justin, (almost) Aunt Erica, Grandma and Grandad Great, Ashli and Corlissa, Aunt Alyssa, and the family from the day before (-the Phillips') Sidenote: I actually cooked for everyone. This in itself shows incredible progress on my journey of motherhood/homemaking!!! He was beaming the whole day. Everyone was there just for him...not to mention that he got some sweet-Daddy presents. What a blessing for him--and for me to watch. I love that boy.
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There are days when I look at my life and think, "Why is it so busy?" I am, after all, a stay-at-home mom! But then I look at this picture and think, "How could I even think that?!? I am, after all, a stay-at-home mom!!!!" (With no house cleaner, nanny, preschool (as of today at 12:30), I might add) Of course my life is going to be busy. Of course I'm going to struggle to maintain friendships, keep the house clean, not lose my patience, stay involved at church, with neighbors, etc. But, oh the joy. This season comes only once. Braden is starting pre-kindergarten in the fall, and that is the beginning of my boys becoming fully independent. How has 5 years of motherhood gone by so quickly? I know I will constantly battle to keep my priorities straight, but it's worth it, if I can look back at these days and know that here the foundation was laid for a lifetime of family memories.

Deep thoughts...by Danielle Black

I have often wondered about the concept of resiliency. (Now, some of you mental health professionals know much more about this than me, who vaguely remembers learning the term in my class Working with At-Risk Students. So, this is mere thinking, nothing more.) I've thought before that we, in middle class America, seemingly don't need to possess the resiliency that others do. When I spent almost 5 months living in Kenya, I saw children and adults who's struggle to survive was so incredible, I didn't know how to store it. My friend from Liberia, for instance, postponed returning to boarding school for a night at his mom's request, which ended up saving his life as that night rebels came into the school and destroyed every"thing"....literally. Then, that same friend ended up also losing his mom, dad, girlfriend, and, I believe, some siblings as well to the same wretched war. While this story was somewhat extreme, the theme was incredibly common. And yet the Africans that I interacted with still had reason to smile, laugh, give...it is amazing. Remember that movie Tears of the Sun? There's footage at the beginning of the movie that was from a documentary about Sierre Leone. It was true and it was light compared to some of the rest of the documentary. Karl wouldn't even let me watch it because of its gruesomeness. Anyway, with true stories like this, I've wondered how many in the U.S. crumble under seemingly much less "significant" setbacks. The resiliency factor for some of us is weak--we can't, as Jack Nicholson says in A Few Good Men, handle the pressure. But then there are people like my precious friend, Ashli, that handle the pressure incredibly well. She has adenoid cystic carcenoma, and yet she still smiles, laughs, and gives to her students selflessly. Now, she seems to think that her smile is a joke as the tumor in her head is greatly affecting the nerves in her face, but I think she's beautiful and the life that is emanating from her even in spite of her circumstances is greater than it has been in a long time. She is an inspiration to me. (If you want to see what I mean, you can check out her blog @ heplera.blogspot.com.) Not only her, but there are others in my life circle that are inspirational with their abilities to look beyond circumstances and see life and love and hope....those things that keep all of us going. I salute these amazing people in my life. So, it is upon further reflection, that while we in middle-class America may not have some of the horrifying stories that others have had to live through, we have our stories nonetheless--stories of life and loss, joy and mourning, and though each of our circumstances are different, we are all a part of the human story, and we all must find the resiliency needed to continue our journey. We really aren't that different, it's just that when we try to wrap our minds around the potential pain before it happens, we can't fathom being able to survive such blows. And yet we do. For if I've learned much about resiliency in my life, it's that struggle usually makes us stronger, and while I don't welcome these trials at the time, the fact remains that I would not be who I am without them.

Blogger's remorse

I'm sitting here in bed wondering what in the heck I began. Honestly. I don't have enough time to spend with my kids, keep the house clean, keep in touch with precious friends, and yet I blog. I guess the peer pressure has finally gotten to me. I start getting hooked on two friends' sites, and suddenly that little [evil] voice in my head says, "Go for it, Danielle. I mean, you were an English teacher after all. You have things to say." Well, the verdict is definitely still out on that one, but it does seem to be a bit of a release, even if blogging may in fact cause more guilt than glee.

My husband is enjoying "Guy's Night." I'm not exactly sure what that means (much different things to different guys, I'm sure), but I know he needed it, so I will be sleeping soundly while he watches the midnight showing of Mission Impossible 3. I really do love that man of mine. A true gift from above. Granted, his burping, farting, sporting, hunting, and fantasy baseballing drive me CRAZY on my bad days, but the list of positives could go on much longer. Since, however, many (I'm thinking Ashli, Kathy, Beth and many others) would puke with the sappiness, I will refrain from the list. He's about to switch jobs. It's hard for me, but I can't imagine what it's like for him. Imagine being known as Karl Black, youth pastor for eleven years and then that being gone. Man! I mean, no longer being known as a "youth pastor's wife" is even throwing me for a loop. What do I do with that?? Now I'm a pastor's wife! Does that mean floral print dresses and kids that sit calmly in the front pew whenever the church doors are open? I sure hope not. Karl will be fired from Crossroads before the first service is over. I guess I'll just be me. That will have to do. I mean, yeah, I may stick my foot in my mouth too much, act a little unconventional, and have three adorable--but slightly unruly--preschoolers, but Jesus loves me, so hopefully our new church will too! Wait 'til they see me dance :)

Dancing

For as long as I can remember, I wished I could dance. But I couldn't. I mean, I didn't think I could. Yes, like every other little girl, I had been in ballet class at the YMCA, and I even did jazz for a session or two in elementary school...but that didn't count. I was convinced dancing was not in me. But I was wrong. While I may never be in a Russian Ballet or do a recital at the Met, I am a dancer. And as long as I am living, I will love to dance.