The no good, very bad, horrible, awful day (from the perspective of a suburbanite mom)

"I'm NEVER going to be nice! So I'm NEVER going to come down! So I won't eat and I'll DIE!"

This was Braden's response to my love and logic quip that when he was ready to be nice to Mom, he may come down from his room. This has been my day. Okay, now I'm the one being a little overdramatic, but truly, it's been one of those days (think Alexander, the children's book character).

Owen, as he calls it, has had "sticky gooey stuff" coming out of his nose all day and a low-grade temp. He does not do well with snot. The hanky helps momentarily, but then the whine returns and I'm required (for the 933rd time) to wipe his tender nose. As a result of this, I can't go to the volunteer appreciation dinner at church (oh well, I hadn't found a sitter for it anyway, but had still been hoping to!) That is where Karl is.

To add to the chaos, in a valiant attempt to be a good dad and husband, Karl drove 25 minutes home to be here for app. 30 minutes before he had to be back at church. It was precious and I really appreciated the effort. However, while he was home, he made Braden mad by accidently hurting his hand in a light sabre dual and managed to knock Kole's light sabre out of his hand which flipped up and sliced him right above the eye. It was a good one, too. Twenty years from now, Kole will still be able to point to that scar and recall the mishap caused by Dad :)

Add to this a "[Neighbor boy] isn't my best friend anymore!" by Braden and a stomp up to his room after I assign natural consequences to his snotty comment about us having popcorn shrimp "like everyday now" (his favorite) and you understand why I'm ready to curl up with a book (or maybe just going to bed at 9 p.m. instead of the 11:30+ that I'm used to.)

Having recounted all of this, though, I can't help but be reminded that these petty "bad days" are nothing in comparison with the days of orphans in Ethiopia or China or Vietnam or the United States, that my worst day imaginable will still leave me suffering (if I can even use that word!) so much less than many of the children in Africa. And that helps put things in perspective.

More than just a statistic...

This past week we got some really devastating news from our chat group. A family with America World that got their referral for two precious girls in July found out that their baby girl had died after not being able to overcome a battle with pneumonia. I don't know many details, and it probably wouldn't be appropriate to post them even if I did, but the news, of course, was horrifying and our need to pray very tangible.

Simultaneously, I've started a new book besides the ones I wrote about in my last post that I do once or twice a week for devotions called Hope Lives: A Journey of Restoration by Compassion International staff writer and photographer Amber VanSchooneveld. It's theme? "Not just to save the world...but also to restore our souls." It is a powerful book about poverty. It's divided into five weeks and these first five days are on the poverty of the heart, addressing, among others, issues of coming face to face with our wealth (and we have a lot of it!): "One of the most astounding things about the affluent minority is that we honestly think we have barely enough to survive in modest comfort" (Ron Sider) and the positives and negatives of the American Dream (the "one-two punch...[of] individualism coupled with busyness"). It is peppered with statistics about poverty and great quotes from the Bible and other amazing people like Desmond Tutu's statement that "A self-sufficient human being is subhuman." (are there many Americans that don't fall into this category?) as well as insights and pictures and reflection space. When I read that Ethiopia had a GNI (Gross National Income) per capita in 2003 of $90 and the United States' was $37, 610, it's hard not to think about the little girl we know that was lost. If she had been here, would she not have been saved? Acc. to Melissa Faye Greene in there is no me without you, Ethiopia has one of the worst health care systems in the world, so it is hard not to at least speculate...and become almost frantic with thoughts of "Faster! Faster! We're not moving fast enough!" Greene's book over and over again mentions the conditions and statistics with many specific stories of suffering children and families (often specifically focusing on the AIDS/HIV pandemic) in Ethiopia. I have read statistics about poverty and the conditions in other countries for years. They move me, and yet, somehow there is a disconnect. It seems nearly impossible to process information about people in the tens of millions and still put skin on them. What's worse, "Very often we know enough to choose not to learn more lest we feel guilty...Rich Christians know enough about the ravages of poverty that we turn off the TV special on poverty...We know that knowing more will make us morally obliged to change." (Ron Cider).

Ever since reading Shane Claiborne's Irresistible Revolution more than a year ago, I have felt discontent. Discontent not in an unhealthy way, but, I believe, in a way that whispers, sometimes screams, "There's more!!!" Being a Christian for me needs to be more. I think right now our family is in the right place in our neighborhood, in our church, in our country; however, I know there is more. God has bigger plans down the road, and I think he's been putting a hunger in my heart that is preparing me for whatever more He's called us to in the future. Regardless, I'm getting antsy. I'm tired of this rich, suburban life. Don't get me wrong: there are tons of things that I love (like an occasional dinner out or a date at the movies or an extra pan or bottle of make-up or two cars or a big house or, or, OR!), but I'm getting more and more discontent--especially in the quiet moments--with my life. When there are millions and millions and MILLIONS of children and adults dying all over the world from preventable causes, and I sit in my comfortable house with my comfortable life, I can't help but feel sick of myself, of my country, of money and greed and those who possess it (myself included) to buy bigger and better instead of using it to really make a difference. Life needs to change. I NEED TO CHANGE. And I hope, as I think of that precious little girl and the millions she represents, that change is beginning, not just in the deep inner parts of my heart, but the outside, too. Dear God, I HOPE this is the case.

Reading, reading, reading!

I haven't taken time to blog lately as reading and getting back into a regular routine have been the order of the month. I recently finished The Connected Child (a great general read) and am now reading two very different books: When Love is Not Enough and There is No Me Without You. I just spent ten minutes trying to attach the links to these, but they kept showing up on the actual post, so just go to Amazon and look them up yourself...my OCD tendency cannot handle having all those links lookin' all ugly and stuff on my perfect post (ha!). I have also begun babysitting a precious fifteen month old girl on Mondays and Tuesdays and I used my first week of babysitting money to buy various books--from a black haircare book to children's books geared towards a multiracial family and adoption to several others. It was so fun to get them in the mail the other day! And it's been so fun to have a little girl in the house (and this comes from someone who would not do babysitting for a regular job if someone paid me...which I guess they would if I was doing it as a job!)--I think I'm just getting ready for my own little girl!) Speaking of that, AS I WAS TYPING THIS POST, we got the news that the Witter family received their referral for a toddler girl. They were also possibly open to an infant girl, so............................
THIS MEANS WE'RE DEFINITELY NUMBER TWO ON THE INFANT GIRL LIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There were also two more precious referrals today for two sets of sibling groups: Congrats to the Gamble and Forrest families!!!! We are getting so close, people! I can feel it!!!!!

To my husband

Karl watching the storm blow in last night. He's always been a sucker for bad weather!

Karl and I rarely fight. Seriously. We have our issues, but we don't usually get into bad arguments. It's just not either of our styles. Now, we have passionate debates about things not directly related to us as a couple (like theological issues, for instance), but I don't call that the same thing. So, this morning, when we got into a ridiculous argument about CDs being in their proper places, it was definitely not the norm. In some ways. However, for some random reason, this has been an issue in the past. I am the more organized and anal member of the family. Karl is much more laid back. I think we both pride ourselves in these things, too. I like being organized. He likes being laid back. Thus, when our roles reverse and he is frustrated because I can't seem to keep CDs in their proper places, I get really defensive and stubborn. Such was the case this morning as he was searching for the Bible on CD to take to work. Two were missing, and while one was found right away, the other took some time to locate...and I was very, very stubborn about admitting I needed to work on this. SO, then, right after he leaves, I open up my Bible to do my daily reading. It's a predetermined list of scriptures and today's readings were in Isaiah and Philippians. Here's what I read last:

"Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ?

Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit?

Are your hearts tender and sympathetic?

Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other,

loving one another, and working together with one heart and purpose.

Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on others.

Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself.

Don't think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too,

and what they are doing.

Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had.

Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God.

He made himself nothing; he took the humble position of a slave....

in everything you do, stay away from complaining and arguing....

(Phil 2: 1-7, 14)

Just a couple of days ago I read about God disciplining those he loves. He definitely loves me!

It could be a long week!

I have five words for you: Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease. I had great plans today for blueberry picking at an organic blueberry patch close by followed by a picnic and splash pad with my friend Kristine followed by a wonderful time of talking and eating dinner at Shelley's...all of which had to be cancelled. I'm feeling a little sorry for myself and a little angry at the public pool I took the kids to last Wednesday (that's who I'm blaming at the moment for this little outbreak). Ah well. The section of verse I wrote down this morning: "...that my life will always honor Christ, whether I live or die." Phil. 1:20....even in the midst of fevers and sore little bumps and cancelled plans.

My first real freakout

I have yet to be hit with any of the nerves that come with being in the top ten. I feel like it's all happened pretty fast here lately, so while I'm getting a little more freaked out (like saying to Karl, "WE HAVE GOT TO DECIDE ON A NAME!!!!" and "I really hope you know that I don't care what meeting you're in, you will be taking a break when Duni calls us!" (I'm still working on some control issues)), it hasn't been extreme yet. However, tonight came close. I looked down at my cell and saw "America World" on the history and for a split second about lost it. Never mind that it's Saturday, or that we are #3 in line for an infant girl, or that there was no message on my voicemail. It was as if time stood still and at 10:00 p.m. I realized we "missed the call!!!" Then, reality set back in and I remembered I had made a call to America World yesterday and that's what I saw.

Ah well. Let the freakouts begin.... :)